This is an official offer submitted to #AppraiseTheSleigh
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Claus:
The crew at B&G Equipment, Inc. Paris TN. would like to offer you our new Super Series Sleigh, also known as the Triple S model, for toy harvests and delivery. The new model features larger toy bin capacity, faster unloading, the ‘tracks in lieu of runners’ option for less roof compaction, a new super size seat for the geriatric size derrieres of today’s Santa needs, a medicine pouch with easy- to-read daily doses for meds, and extra large pockets for flyers. As you know, Santa must now distribute disclaimers for liability of property damage and other damage due to misuse of distributed products. The new sleigh is also equipped with the latest airbag safety features of head on and side impact protection as Rudolph is not as agile in his old age. We also selected the “Logic Ontrack Star Tracker ” guidance system (also known as LOST) for increased delivery times. We have also included, at no charge, the latest Drone Delivery Terminal (DDT) for those houses with very large packages or those who do not have chimneys. This model is also EPA final tier 472 compliant as it has Reindeer exhaust gas recirculation (REGR), variable candy cane vane staged turbo chargers, and DEF (Deer Exhaust Fluid). Finally, should there be any service issues, the sleigh is equipped with auto reporting logs that will allow our highly trained service techs a heads up in time to meet Mr. Claus for required repair, at the pre-positioned parts on-demand service centers. We have also included the 4,223 year extended warranty, through a third party.
Now for the good news. This new model is now available for the incredible low price of only $2,462,375.99. We have held the line on price even with increasing steel and aluminum prices, tariffs and inflation over last year’s cost of $1,250.00…the best we could. This is too expensive you might say… Oh contraire! We have a financing package based on a Mortgage Back Security, combined with a Credit Default Swap, that will lower the payments when combined with 0% interest for forty-seven years, to only $9,999.99 per year. Still too much you say? Never fear – we have the latest report on Climate Change and find that in a few years the operations at the North Pole will have drifted down to the Bahamas! We are shorting the mortgage and investing the leverage in Red Fur-Lined Bermuda Shorts, which will be the rage for new Santa Costumes that will be only sold through Wal-Mart and the royalties will be channeled to our finance company, Slaysink, and when applied will result in TOTAL coverage of the payments! (Title, dealer prep and taxes not included and unit may also be subject to a fuel surcharge).
Now for the evaluation of the trade-in on the deal for the current sleigh. We know the current sleigh is ‘Field or Roof Top Ready’ as Stated by Mr. Claus. We know this as Mrs. Claus has provided us with the repair bills on the trade unit. We know the runners were just replaced, the upholstery repaired, the reins re-leathered, a new floor replaced, and the toy storage area updated with the latest aftermarket kits. The grab handles were reinforced where the metal has cracked. We also see that the ridges are worn off the steps, but a few beads of weld have been added for safety. Yes, this is definitely a barn find, a true pre-owned, little-used sleigh worthy of the highest appraisal. When checking the Sn we find it is actually a two-year older model than the Retail Purchase Order was dated for, and the unit does not seem to have the added value of auto loader, dual runners, deluxe seat, front skid assist, deluxe interior, cab, or weights. We also cannot find a creeper speed, rear hitch, light kit, or hydraulic outlets. The toy monitor seems to be of the prior non-can bus type and is not supported as to software or hardware that we can find.Therefore we would value your trade in at $500.00 However, keep in mind since your new sleigh will cost you zilch , this is still the most attractive cost of ownership we feel you can find.We look forward to providing you with your new Triple S model and can deliver well before toy season.
Tim Brannon and team at B&G Equipment, Paris, TN
Santa’s Ready for a New Ride!
And Toys for Tots will benefit from his trade-in.